Special Advertising Section

Philip Morris Introduces New

Weight Loss Marvel


– A Hit With Teens, Truckers, Lonely Housewives –

Inspired by a growing food-and-body-manipulation craze, and hot on the heels of such popular diets as “Atkins” and “South Beach,” Philip Morris has debuted what it hopes will be embraced as the newest dieting sensation. Tossing its gambit into a bloated pool of weight loss regimens, the tobacco giant aims to stomp out rivals like Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig with its newly dubbed “Nicotrim Diet.”

“There’s absolutely no eating involved,” said PM spokesperson Steve Long in a national press conference this week. He compared the program to a series of breathing exercises. “It’s so easy, a child could do it – under the bleachers, out in the woods, or locked in a bathroom between classes.”

“But,” Long added, “it doesn’t stop there. We’ve specially designed this program to meet the specific needs of the entire family. Imagine Dad losing weight while he sits downing cheese puffs in front of the big game, or Mom shedding pounds while she paces nervously in the other room. This will change the way we live.”

Already, says one Philip Morris executive memo, the masses have shown encouraging signs of allegiance to the program. In preliminary studies, teenagers across the nation hail the diet as “cool” and “sexy,” often disclosing they were “hooked from the very start.” Philip Morris anticipates that many who begin as recreational dieters will find the program so effective they become ardent dieters for life. “This is our perceived goal,” says PM Director of Operations Clive Milton, “to release a diet so seductive and compelling that there’s really no turning back.” He says initial sales of Nicotrim Diet kits – available in packs and “maximum strength” cartons – are promising. “But really,” he continued, “it’s not about this corporation and what we gain. It’s about the people and what they lose.”

P.S. from PM

Philip Morris cautions, however, that the Nicotrim Diet is not for everyone. In tandem with its colossal advertising campaign, the company has released a smattering of late-night TV commercials warning consumers about the potential risks of Nicotrim dieting. Additional information can be found buried in the “Responsible Marketing” section of its website, which is currently under construction.